A few things before you watch:
- This is the first video in a project that doesn’t have a title yet and I’m not sure it will have a title. This project has to do with a “writing series” (I guess you could call it — it was more like a series of Carrie Bradshaw style rantings/thoughts on life) that I started about a month and a half ago, put away for a while, and am now revisiting. Artists do this thing where they feel their pain, stash it away, and then make art from it once they’re ready to open that box back up and get rid of it for good so what you’re watching is me diving back into whatever I was feeling then. Specifics aren’t really important, but for the span of time that I was writing I wrote almost everyday. Some entries were long, others not, and in this project I will be improvising to recordings of me reading what I wrote (note that when I record, it is actually the first time I’ve read what I wrote, since I did a stream of consciousness style journal — word document — and literally have not opened it since I decided I was ready to stop writing).
- This recording was from the second day, so while it is the first that I’ve filmed, I’m going out of order. Again, specifics here aren’t important and me hiding what I was saying with the music edited over the video gives you the agency to decide what it means to you. I will say though, that on this particular day, I was finding it extremely hard to get out of bed. Not so much the “my bed is too comfortable and I don’t want to get up” kind of not wanting to get up but a really low point where I didn’t want to get up because that meant that I had to go into reality and I didn’t want to, nor did I feel like I was in a place to do that.
- I’m not sure about the parentheses in the title, it just seemed right.
- To answer the first question you’ll have when you watch this (“Why are you in your underwear?!”): Since this is an improv in my bed, it didn’t make sense for me to put on a leotard or something. I went back and forth a little bit about deciding whether or not to put on sweatpants or something but (1) this is more true to what I actually sleep in — messy bun and all and (2) I have bikini pictures posted online where I’m wearing less than I am in this video. I thought a lot about what is considered “appropriate” and many people probably feel that me rolling around in my bed in my underwear and calling it art is not. But I felt like I needed to stick to the mood of the words that I was moving too, so that meant underwear and loose long sleeve shirt it was. I could also say things about body image and presenting my thunderous thighs is a means to present my journey of becoming more comfortable with myself or broadcasting my workout progress, but I digress.
I said a lot more than I intended, but hopefully you’re still left with enough questions/ambiguity to find some meaning in this for yourself.